Turns out Ive been a fraud my entire life.
Today, I discovered that Im a fake Italian.
I always thought I was at least half, but it turns out Im not even that.
So, I sat back and waited for the results.
This morning, an email popped up on my phone.
My DNA results were in.
My thumbs couldnt swipe fast enough.
As I clicked on my ancestry breakdown, there it was, in bold: 48% Italian.
Not even 49.5% so I could round up.
Just shy of half, the same way Im a half short of 7 inches.
And the other 52%?
A grab bag of European randomness.
Turns out Im English, Irish, a sprinkle of German, and even 1% African.
Its not enough to call myself a minority, but technically, Im 1% African-American.
Basically, Im Europes version of a Neapolitan ice cream tub.
Now, dont get me wrongI still love Italy.
Ill still talk with my hands and correct people when they pronounce mozzarella wrong.
But knowing Im not a solid 50% Italian feels like finding out Santa isnt real.
Even worse, what do I do with my love for saying vaffanculo?
So here I am, embracing my new European mutt status with as much grace as I can muster.
Sure, Ill always be mostly Italian, but now I have a new, global perspective.
In the end, Ive decided to embrace this 48% business.
As for the rest?
Well, at least now I can pretend Im cultured when I buy random European stuff.
Turns out being a mutt isnt so bad after all.
