This is Jules Bouyer’s.
He is a medal hopeful in the Men’s Synchronized 3m Springboard Final at this year’s Olympic games.
But nobody cares how in sync Jules Bouyer will be diving with his teammate Alexis Jandard at tomorrows final.
The people just want to gawk at Jules Bouyer’s ginormous hog stuffed into a skin tight Speedo.
Those aren’t even the pictures going viral.
Those pictures are actually pretty modest.
So maybe the Olympics just hate Barstool.
I have no idea.
I would put them in this order
1.
Win a Gold Medal2.
Have The World Talk About How Huge Your Dick Is3.
Win a Silver Medal4.
Win a Bronze Medal
I’m not even confident putting gold medal at #1.
I mean who really cares about synchronized diving?
But there’s a whole lot of events that nobody cares about.
Events that nobody watches and nobody will remember by this time next week.
He truly might be #1.
I don’t want to be the most famous person in the world.
I don’t want to be the richest person in the world.
There’s a lot of bullshit that comes with that.
Above all else, I want to have a comfortable life.
I want to do something I love for living.
I want to have a little bit of fame, but nothing that’s overwhelming.
I want to be hot and jacked.
I’m sure he has to work a day job."
That’s a pretty good life if you ask me.
As we all know, the Olympic Village is one big orgy.
They’ve spent 4 years training vigorously for their specific event.
But at the Olympics, they really only have to compete for a day or two.
That’s a lot of downtime.
Plus, all the hot athletes you’re surrounded by… you’re never going to see them again.
You might not even speak the same language.
It’s the ultimate casual sex situation.
Now imagine you’re the hot 22-year old French diver who’s gone viral for having a huge dick.
Every girl who walks past him thinks, “Oh my god that’s the huge dick guy.
I wonder what that’s like.
I better find out.”
Jules Bouyer is in heaven right now.
That is what heaven should be like.
That is exactly what Al-Qaeda promises their terrorists.
I tip my cap to you Jules.
You’re a blessed man.
I hope you’re making the most of your situation.
