Welcome sad NFL fans.
Have yourself a little seat on the cheap plastic chairs in the circle.
I know there’s other teams out there.
Can you believe the Bears were 4-2?
I was actually feeling a little bad in those weeks not covering my team in this blog.
It was almost like I was graduating from this sad circle.
Still here even though I was finally better than you all.
No longer a loser.
What a sad thought that was.
Here are your sad stats for Week 11.
It’s not a concept our brains are evolved to process.
Michael Jordan is three standard deviations above the average height - standing 6'6.
How many people do you come across on the daily that are anywhere near this?
So you know what?
I’m calling those three standard deviations significant.
Oh, and those five wins?
Miles ahead of Eberflus on the graph is Zac Taylor (second to last place).
But you could argue he’s a scapegoat here as we move along to… What kickers have the record for most games lost single-handedlyfootedly?
We can’t count the Washington game from Cheah’s list though since they lost by more than three.
But that’s just this season.
Let’s talk all time.
But hold up a minute.
Justin Tucker is tied with the lead for most games lost by a kicker?
Tucker has fallen off the kicker kliff.
Made it through two non-Bears sad stats at least.
I’m trying here.
Eberflus reportedly campaigned for Waldron to keep his job before letting him go.
And to be honest, Thomas Brown didn’t do anything remarkable.
And that’s perfectly fine.
Exactly what the Bears needed.
I know I’m monopolizing.
Let’s move on.
Maybe they don’t give up a touchdown with a 13th man.
In fact, is there even a 13th man rule?
Maybe that’s a loophole.
Is it “too many men” written in the rules or “12th man”?
These are the things I’d be researching as an NFL coach.
Which is what’s supposed to happen.
you might’t score a ridiculously long touchdown and lose the game.
You just can’t.
But it does happen every so often.
I felt bad for Mike McCarthy.
Not just for last night.
But for the season.
I’m not saying he’s the best coach.
We all know his gameday deficiencies, but this team is a hot mess.
Let’s take a closer look.
I might need to hit the spreadsheets and run some Mike McCarthy “backed up” stats.
Does that say “eat, smell, alert!”
Like, as a reminder of what the three lifecycle stages of being “backed up” are?
I do respect that he separates his redzone packages though.
Mid Red sounds like something Marlboro makes.
Maybe I’ll check back in with some Mike McCarthy package stats.
Wouldn’t that be a treat… That’s when a single play resulted in five penalties - all unnecessary roughnesses (roughnessi??).
Pretty hilarious that these all just offset.
This had me curious though.
Was this the NFL record for most penalties in a single play?
Certainly there hasn’t been more than five, right?
Week 17, 2017.
David Fales was in at quarterback for Miami so you know things were going well.
So with that in mind, it would be six which is still more than Sunday Night’s five.
Who cares, it’s all offsetting anyway.
The footage of flags and hats flying like a college graduation ceremony is an absolutely hilarious must watch.
I can’t believe I don’t recall this play.
But I sure as hell found it.
That’s it for Week 11.
See you next week.
