Kyle Schwarber went off last night as Jordie appropriately explains in calling out the entire country of Canada.
Personally, I’m here to revisit Kyle Schwarber under a more narrow lens.
Specifically: the Cubs non-tendered him in the 2020/21 offseason over $8,000,000.
A lot of people blame COVID.
Others blame Tom Ricketts for not getting COVID.
Some are smart enough to see a bigger picture.
That’s a motorboater.
You know them when you see them.
Kyle Schwarber loves a great set of big juicy tits.
Sorry but COVID
Makes no sense to me.
COVID, natural immunity, Kyle Schwarber’s arbitration process.
Literally none of it makes sense at this point.
He was, in their minds, selfish.
They were, in his mind, not hitting major league pitching.
So call it a Mexican stand off.
When push came to shove, the Cubs were already in process of shedding old scar tissue.
The sooner they could move on from Schwarber, the better.
I was fuckin there and it certainly seems ridiculous in hindsight.
Maybe that was the spark that ignited whatever monster he’s become.
Maybe there’s no multiverse where Schwarber could blossom as a Cub to the extent he has elsewhere.
That would be so fuckin stupid.
Anyways Cubs haven’t been in the playoffs since Schwarber was with the organization.
So basically the same odds as me guessing whatever card in a fully-shuffled deck you just pulled.
But here’s the thing.
Even if I guess the right card, you’re just gonna call it somebullshit magic trickanyways.
For $8,000,000 no less.
MEANWHILE
192 baseball players will make at least $8,000,000 this year.
Kyle Schwarber is one of them, and he’s not on the Cubs.
Bears kickoff in 4 days so that’s nice.
Could be a fun season.
You never really know, do you?
