There’s plenty of shameless ways to make money on the internet.
Little tiny piece by little tiny piece.
He’ll be down to the very last one.
He’ll have his little tiny peeling tool ready to finally finish it off.
But he’s never going to pick off that final piece.
He just wants you to think he’s about to.
He’s been sitting there edging his viewer for hours.
That’s how he gets views.
People will start sending him real money to encourage him to just fucking do it already.
There’s somebody out there on TikTok doing that for a living.
I guess that’s more stupid than shameless.
There are much more shameless ways to make money online than that.
Or you could do what the Citizen app does.
If you’re unfamiliar, the Citizen app is a public safety tool.
Users report crimes in real time and Citizen sends alerts to people when something happens in their area.
Here’s some quotes from Citizen about Citizen.
- Citizen
“Your world is safer with Citizen.”
- Citizen
All of that is true.
If you pay for it.
Which is a perfectly fine and legitimate business model.
Citizen can’t keep their business up and running for free.
Nothing wrong with that.
you’re free to even download the app for free and get a watered down version of Citizen.
That’s what I have.
My homepage right now shows me stuff like this.
However if you want to see much further details, you have to pay for Premium.
Which is still fine to me.
Seems like something actually useful they could easily put together for the American people.
That’s a different story.
The shameless part comes in with their notifications.
“You want to know which one your neighbors is eying your child every time they leave the house?
Which neighbor 50 feet to your west is foaming at the mouth to debauch your child’s morals?
We know who it is.
We have information that will keep your child safe.
We’ll tell you for $20.”
They’re basically trying to extort your peace of mind.
Are those people actually threats?
Nathan D S. could have had someone tied up in his basement.
He also could have slapped the wrong ass in a bar.
They want to paint the scariest possible picture in your head so you impulsively fork over $20.
Because you care about your kids, right?
Sex offenders in your area is already public information anyways, but not everyone thinks about that.
Having a sex offender next door is at least something people should know about.
But the one I got today was such bullshit.
Everyone is on high alert about the drones.
So of all the crazy stuff that happens in New York/New Jersey on a daily basis.
Of all the assaults that happened today.
Of all the Rafael S.’s 50 feet away, this is the push notification Citizen sent out today.
Tyler O’Day is in there!
Fuck you Citizen app.
There was no drone that crashed into the Empire State Building.
It was one stray 911 call.
If there was a drone, it was someone flying a small personal one.
The sexual assault neighbors is one thing.
At least there’s a world where those guys could be real threats.
At that point they’re not even pretending to give a shit about people’s safety anymore.
They’re so blatantly shameless about it I almost have to respect it.
That’s what I always do.
I assume that’s what most people who are too lazy to turn off their notifications do.
That’s bullshit, Citizen app, and you know it.
