This isnt a half-baked stunt – its a well-seeded plan.
It’s a good idea.
People will watch anything race.
We’ll race anything.
We’ll even race our babies.
Baby racing is all the rage nowadays at halftimes of basketball games.
Parents are just plopping their kids on the wood and telling them to crawl.
That can’t feel good on the knees.
As young as humanly possible.
So young, some people might say it’s not even human.
Most people would say that I think.
Unless you’re like… really nuts.
Like boycotting the funerals of dead veterans nuts.
Sperm racing is here.
Two sperm will enter.
None will come out.
But one will be declared the winner.
These are smart kids.
They know exactly what they’re doing.
Sperm Racing is the perfect 2025 viral internet product.
This isn’t just bunch of smart shithead students making an elaborate cum joke.
They’re not just wasting their time and talent on a toilet humor-level invention to make a quick buck.
Male fertility is declining at an alarming rate.
The average sperm count of men has dropped over 50% in the last 50 years.
But these brave students are doing something about it.
Tristan and Asher rock.
I’m going to take my fertility seriously so I can be just like them."
I like these guys.
Not Tristan & Asher.
The sperm scientist kids.
Not only are they on the front lines of the war on declining birth rates.
Somebody has gotta do it.
Somebody has to test the cum.
Scientists are speculating that the global population may even start to decline as soon as the 2050’s.
These kids are getting in on the ground floor.
These three little shits are gonna get rich as fuck off sperm someday.
Now if only they can find a way to make them fight.
If they can figure that out, Dana White will hand these boys a blank check.
Imagine hosting a 64-sperm fighting tournament using the sperm of the healthiest, most athletic men in the world.
The grand prize is getting to fertilize an egg (i.e.
the grand prize is life).
That would be crazy.
They might already be mobilizing for the race next Friday.
I know somebody is cooking up a think piece about how sperm racing is murder.
That seems like the logical next thing to happen here.
