I couldnt have been more wrong.
In the end, I had to dial my list back.
Things people would consider not-so-chill in 2025.
I can only make that joke so many times.
Minnesota Vikings
In Part 1 we cancelled the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Vikings are the blonde haired plundering pirates of the north.
That’s neither here nor there, but you never hear someone called a butt viking.
Although I may start using that moving forward.
But from what I gather, pirates were more likely to fly under the radar with their looting.
Vikings on the other hand set out to conquest cities through brute force.
Like pirates, now that Vikings are no longer a threat, their horrific crimes arent fresh in mind.
Nobody is triggered by Vikings, so nobody is gravely offended by the nickname.
They might as well not be real.
There would have to be a resurgence of Vikings for Minnesota to ever be pressured into a rebrand.
I’m sure they don’t have their guard up for Viking crime.
People start looking into Viking history.
They start talking about what Vikings werereallylike.
It could happen so fast.
They skipped town to chase a fantastical pipe dream out in beautiful, sunny California.
The settlements they lived in were TikTok houses with more cholera.
On top of that, the 49ers were violent.
In the end, The Prince of Darkness won out.
The Jersey Devil is a mythical creature said to reside in the forests of New Jersey.
He was human at birth.
I should also mention Deborah was a witch.
As the child aged, he slowly morphed into something terrible.
He grew the wings of a bat and large hooves for feet.
His head turned into a goats head.
He sprouted a long split tail.
He started making loud defeating high-pitched shrieks.
Eventually the Jersey Devil moved to forests of Pine Barrens, New Jersey.
Legend has it his father was the devil himself.
And one time in the 90’s in New York City outside of Madison Square Garden.
Christianity is coming back in a big way, and the Devils are in its crosshairs.
Right at center ice.
His longest shot ever.
Honestly it was an embarrassing oversight by the fine people of Just Stop Oil.
And are on TV every night?
Why aren’t they doing anything?
I know Just Stop Oil is technically a UK thing, but Canada is basically England.
They have the Queen on their money.
That should be a layup."
The closer we get to that date, the more aggressive Just Stop Oil will get.
Surely they’ll realize the Edmonton Oilers exist sometime within the next 5 years.
That will finally be the protest that sticks.
They’ll convince the Edmonton Oilers to change their name, and in turn, will save the world.
If anybody from Just Stop Oil is reading this.
You gotta stop using the washable spray paint.
I personally don’t want to see golf courses or historical monuments be ruined.
So I’m glad you use it.
But for your sake….. that’s just so weak.
You don’t even have the balls to go through with a real defacing for your cause?
There’s a 0% chance you stop oil with that attitude.
It’s embarrassing guys.
They told Louis Armstrong to take his trumpet and shove it up his ass.
But then take it out and give it to us because we’re taking it to Salt Lake City.
Or anywhere African-American’s exist.
But Utah… Utah is known for 2 things.
It’s despicable that Utah of all places gets to be the Jazz.
Pelicans are birds of trash.
They take over beaches and harass innocent civilians for food.
They’re the homeless of the sky.
But sadly, Pelicans was the only nickname option New Orleans had left.
If Utah is known for Mormons & racism, New Orleans is known for jazz & trash.
Philadelphia 76ers
All signs point to the Philadelphia 76ers being safe for at minimum the next four years.
But if history tells us anything, the pendulum is always liable to swing back the opposite direction.
Los Angeles Kings
Kings are almost always bad.
Take King Leopold II of Belgium for example.
By international agreement, he obtained the free state of the Congo.
The Congo Free State was meant to be a model of a freedom and prosperity.
But King Leopold used it as his own personal gold mine of torture.
Congolese men worked slave labor.
When they didn’t hit their quotas, his men mutilated the body parts of their loved ones.
King Ivan The Terrible of Russia fed people to dogs.
King Joffery in Game of Thrones was a sadistic, sex worker-murdering rapist before he hit puberty.
Pretty much every King of England up until the 1900’s was having sex with his sister.
Melania Trump is poised to be the first Queen of America.
All queens deserving of praise.
All worthy of having an NHL franchise named after them.
I think you could make a case for all 124 major professional sports teams if you wanted to.
“, you’re always going to find something.
You don’t even have to try that hard.
Maybe if I’m struggling to find a blog topic soon, I’ll dive into college teams.
I’d imagine I could get at minimum 3 more blogs out of that.
Stay woke out there.
