The Pump Party is an exclusive party held annually at the Final Four.
A party that college basketball coaches from across the country feel obligated to attend.
Limited food and drinks are provided.
Despite what ChatGPT may tell you, it isnotassociated with Barstool Sports in any way.
Rico just likes to go there.
But rain, sleet, or shine, Bosco will be there.
Had Alabama beat Duke on Saturday, Dave & Big Cat would have been right there along with him.
They did not make the Final Four.
Brutal draw for Rico being put in the same region as Duke.
Alabama probably could have beaten any other 1-seed in the tournament.
But Duke and Alabama barely play the same sport.
The bet was decided the minute the brackets were revealed.
It’s a 19-stop bus ride.
Scheduled duration is 47hr 50m.
Which really puts into perspective how important the Pump Party is to Rico.
And how badly Dan & Big Cat do not want to do.
Just constant chaos from the moment he sits down until he arrives in San Antonio.
Somewhere around Murfreesboro, he’ll be roped into assisting with a live birth.
Dirty syringes will fall from the ceiling.
I’m pretty sure he envisions the Atlanta Bus Station as Magic City for homeless prostitutes.
I tend to think it’ll be more like a bus ride.
But maybe I’m wrong.
Maybe I’m the naive one.
I hope as much as anyone that Rico is sat next to a drag queen with borderline personality disorder.
But personally, I’m far more worried for the other passengers.
Here’s a power ranking of cities he’s most likely to be murdered in.
UPDATE:I woke up to a text from Rico.
He has re-routed himself.
Duke), and Atlanta… for Pittsburgh, Columbus, Indianapolis, and Louisville.
Which I’ll admit, does seem like a no brainer.
Meaning Pat’s 135 word blog he snuck in 10 minutes before I submitted this one is incorrect.
Columbus, Ohio- I lived in Columbus before moving to New York.
I still have shooters there.
I sent word that Bosco is coming through.
The only people in Columbus with something to worry about are Bosco’s enemies.
Austin, Texas- There’s too much going on in Austin for them to be worried about Rico.
Joe Rogan really flipped that city on its head.
Nashville, Tennessee- What is a bachelorette party going to run him over with a pedal tavern?
San Marcos, Texas- San Marcos is just outside of Austin.
There is a large river that runs through the middle of town.
I floated down it in a tube at Float Fest 2015.
I guess Rico could fall into the river.
I actually wouldn’t be shocked to learn that Rico can’t swim.
The junkyard dog should have nothing to worry about.
Waxahachie, Texas- Suburb of Dallas.
It’s known as the Gingerbread City after all.
So unless Rico has a devastating gingerbread allergy, he should have nothing to be scared of.
Dallas, Texas
- Thankfully Rico’s punishment was not driving to San Antonio in a convertible.
But I suppose a Bosco assassin would be more likely to carry out a hit on a bus anyways.
Kinda feel like that’s two things Mississippians would hate a lot.
Keep your on a swivel through God’s Country, Rico.
Billy Joel didn’t mention the presence of Latin Kings.
But I don’t think they’re typically a concern in Allentown.
Of all Rico’s enemies, Nadu may be most likely to murder him.
I Googled cities with the highest murder rate.
U.S. cities ranked 15-20 are as follows (murder rate per 100k)
Rust belt?
More like the death belt.
Dayton, Ohio
- Piggybacking off that last thought.
I have no idea if my line of thinking here makes sense, but hear me out.
Traveling through the midwest may seem safer.
But who the hell is living in the midwest and doesn’t have a car?
Everybody in the midwest has a car.
The normal people can help hide the crazies.
But who the hell is getting on a Greyhound in central Ohio?
I’m worried about the Dayton stop.
Texarkana & Sulphur Springs
- Idk what goes on in this area of the country.
Nobody in that area is snitching on their fellow neighbor.
Not over a boisterous, Italian-presenting Staten Islander.
If Rico goes dark during this stretch of the trip, we’re never finding him.
Memphis, Tennessee
- Young Dolph.
Martin Luther King Jr. Rico Bosco?
Newark, New Jersey- This is Rico Bosco’s first stop.
Newark has one of the highest murder rates in the country as well.
But Newark, New Jersey is also Ryder country.
Which I at first thought would offer some protection for Rico.
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
- Now we’re deep into #NADU territory.
Harrisburg is barely a 30 minute drive from Nadu’s home.
You think Nadu is scared of prison?
You don’t think he has people inside those walls?
Nadu would be running Lancaster Country Prison within the first week.
Don’t be surprised if the Rico Bosco story ends in Amish Country.
Waco, Texas
- Rico love 2 things.
College basketball, and leading a cult.
Waco is famous for murdering in both.
Who knows how many followers Rico will pick up on his road to the Final Four.
But the Ryders would make the Branch Davidians look like a Sunday bible study group.
I think Rico will be fine.
More than fine actually.
He’s a grown adult.
He can handle a bus ride.
