I do and do and do for you kids, and I ask nothing in return.
–Just as long as we’re clear about some ground rules.
This is still preseason fauxball, which is just a simulator.
The Top Golf of sports.
These are just impressions, not conclusions.
And above all else, in a month we’ll all forget any of this happened.
–Now we can’t waste any time getting right to the big story.
The spinning newspaper, “Pearl Harbor Attacked”-sized font across the front page, multi-explanation point headline.
“JOE MILTON UNSTOPPABLE IN PATS WIN!!!”
–Jerod Mayo promised us all four quarterbacks would play.
And he kept that promise.
Fortunately for everyone, the one they just released is a banger.
Producing results after the best laid plans of mice and men and coordinators goes astray.
While in New England, everything had to work perfectly.
Which is something seemingly every one of the Top 10 QBs in the league do on a regular basis.
I’m just pointing out how rare this has been around here.
Sadly, so have throws like this one:
JaQuae Jackson shook his defender with an out & up.
But nevertheless, he started out with seven consecutive positive-yardage plays.
Engineered an 11-play, 44-yard drive that ended with a field goal.
And above all else, looked like he belongs.
Which is the only test he needed to pass.
Because if it’s rational, can it really be called exuberance?
We could use something to be excited about after the last couple of dreary years.
But I’ll be happy to come pick you up after you crash.
But for now, just enjoy the ride.
–As far as the other quarterbacks, there’s not a lot to say.
is not the icebreaker you’re looking for.
Like “So how’s work going?”
it’ll be a conversation killer every time.
Maye proved he throws a heck of a checkdown.
But in all, those first two possessions were a double stack nothingburger without cheese or bacon.
But they cheered loudly (well, as loud as they could) when Maye took the field.
And vociferously booed their disappointment when Bailey Zappe came out one series later.
Nothing against Zappe, mind you.
ButZappe Returns!is the sequel no one asked for.
The Patriots version ofBaby Boss 2: Family Business.
There’s no shame in that.
Now in his third preseason, Zappe still makes too many mental errors.
–Speaking of mental errors, this game was an absolute mess by both teams.
It screamed “Two Rookie Head Coaches” from beginning to end.
And that was just the first of many, many False Starts to come.
Along with Intentional Groundings and enough Delay of Games to bend spacetime.
–Let’s get to the schemes.
He showed more of a balance between under-center/Gun than his reputation in Cleveland would suggest.
But his Outside Zone-run game was on full display.
It’s just very much a work in progress because a fair amount of attempts went next to nowhere.
Who picked up a Hands to the Face penalty.
So he’s quite possibly fighting to hang onto a spot in a very fuzzy O-line picture.
And well he should have stuck with it.
Because no matter who he had in there, they dominated what is probably a crappy Carolina line.
There were very few blitzes because there didn’t have to be.
How bad are they?
With 90 guys dressing, it’s hard to track a lot of movements.
Especially when coaches are holding meetings in the bench area.
–Anyway, I did this all for you.
And it was not easy.
Believe me, the last 3 minutes off the game clock in the 1st half were brutal.
At least two 2:00 warnings, if not more.
It was the one form of tortureThe Bird didn’t subject Louis Zamperini to.
I’m just saying Louis and I are heroes in our own way.
