Things to consider while realizing this game was the worst thing that’s happened all year.
And two of my brothers just died.
To pull a rug over the bloodstains on the floor and point to the good parts.
But business hasn’t had a normal course around here in a long time.
And apart from Drake Maye, what are the positives, exactly?
I suppose I could go back, rewatch the game and take a stab at find some.
But honestly, I’d rather spend my holiday week doing literally any other thing.
nonstop and threatening me with a hose than ever watch another down of this shambolic mess.
But I’ve run out of cheeks to turn.
There’s no end in sight.
It was Sun Tzu, “Every battle is decided before it was fought.”
He kept that streak alive until 3rd down.
Later Austin Hooper lined up offsides, Anfernee Jennings had a neutral zone infraction.
In addition to the usual Kellogg’s Variety Pack of holds and pass interferences, includingtwoon offense.
The whole game was just aHieronymus Bosch lithograph-likehellscape of awfulness.
In the 1st half, the Dolphins converted 17 1st downs and had 289 yards.
The Patriots had 14 1sts and 269 yardsfor the game.
As moot points go, it’s the mootiest.
Help is not on the way.
It’s been reported that Maye has been joining his O-linemen for dinner on Monday nights.
I just hope he sits against the wall in the booth.
Because if a waiter comes by spilling hot soup, he’s getting through Maye’s protection.
–Here’s a look in slow motion.
Rhamondre Stevenson is met 4 yards behind the line of scrimmage.
Mayo and his staff can occasionally coach their guys up better than a Matt Eberflus or Jeff Ulbrich.
And the Patriots were child’s play for him.
Was there a single time all game when he didn’t have enough blockers in front of his ballcarrier?
A hat on every hat?
Jalen Ramsey and Maye spent more time together than those conjoined twins that married that guy last spring.
(Since you’re no doubt asking the question, let me explain.
Like any newlywed, he makes sweet, passionate love to his wife.
But he’s seeing her sister on the side.)
This was a 2nd & 3.
Van Pelt drew up three verticals with Hunter Henry running a 5-yard sit route.
Instead he helped Jacobs double the tackle.
Instead it’s 3rd & 15.
Welcome to the Patriots' world, 2022-present.
–But what the heck, how about we have some fun?
This time it was Chop Robinson in Maye’s face.
We’re a long way from getting there.
We’ve seen what having a bad one can do to a young quarterback.
My problem is that I still have no idea how AVP’s system issupposedto operate.
I don’t know what the Platonic Ideal of a Van Pelt offense would look like.
If say, he had a professional line and, a borderline Pro Bowl WR1 and a legitimate WR2.
To stop being so conservative it’s like he’s trying to win the Iowa Caucus.
Basically to open things up like he’s got nothing to lose.
Because he simply does not.
He’s got the job for next year.
So he might as well forget it’s all been a wreck and call games with reckless abandon.
The time to start coaching for 2025 is upon us.
So far it seems like Mayo is the last one among us to realize it.
–This Week’s Applicable Movie Quote:
Car Rental Agent: “How may I help you?”
Then it’s possible for you to give me a fucking automobile!
A fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick!
Four fucking wheels and a seat!"
Agent: “I really don’t care for the way you’re speaking to me.”
I want a fucking car… right… fucking…
Agent: “May I see your rental agreement?”
Neal: “I threw it away.”
Agent: “Oh, boy.”
Neal: “Oh boy, what?”
Agent: “You’re fucked.”
I just don’t know how else to deal with losing them.
One blessing in all of this is that we always appreciated being together and sick humor.
