North Korea has always been so fascinating to me.
I would love nothing more than to be granted a risk-free year to travel North Korea with no restrictions.
I just want to look at shit and talk to locals about how terrible their lives are.
We know so little about the place.
Most of what we do know is a lie.
North Korea also has a water park, zoo, ski resort, and a state circus.
But that’s just the stuff North Korea wants you to see.
The real stories we get from North Koreans who have managed to escape are brutal.
The whole country seemingly lives in poverty.
That’s the stuff I have a morbid curiosity about.
North Korea doesn’t let us hear about all the juicy stuff.
For example, Kim Jong-Un had his brother assassinated in an airport.
But the assassinator murdered him with a chemical called, “Nerve Agent VX”.
She was also wearing an LOL shirt.
That’s just classic Jong-Un.
He’s always up to something wacky.
Whether it’s firing dud missiles into the ocean.
Sending balloons full of poop to his southern enemies.
Making out with Dennis Rodman.
And now banning his citizens from eating hot dogs under threat of being sent to a labor camp.
Hot dogs join a long list of very regular things that are banned in North Korea.
Sometimes I wonder if North Korea even exists.
It’s not like anyone you know has been there.
Idk who the hell these people on TripAdvisor are.
That North Korean locals erupted with cheers as he jumped off the 10 meter platform?
I might have to start perpetuating that conspiracy.
Maybe that’s how I end up getting invited to visit North Korea.
But when I get there, the government captures me.
It was a trap.
The didn’t like my “North Korea is fake” slander.
Then I write a best selling book and retire by age 45.
Barstool isn’t going to employ me forever.
I need some sort of exit plan.
That might just work.
