Every 4 years, for many families, Thanksgiving will be an especially stressful time of year.
No matter how much a people tell themselves that they will simply avoid political discussion altogether.
It could be especially hard this year.
The NFL slate is pretty week.
Thank god Drew Lock is starting for the Giants over Tommy DeVito.
Topic 1: How do we fix the college football playoff?
This should be an easy one.
It’s something everybody is talking about.
The first year of the college football 12-team playoff has been chaos from start to finish.
Since the first year of the playoff has been controversial, we obviously need to change everything immediately.
We must assure that nobody will ever have to argue about college football again.
Do we expand the playoffs ever further?
Is it too late to go back to smaller, more regional based conferences?
Could we move to flex scheduling at the end of the season to even out strength of schedules?
What if the SEC just goes and fucks themselves?
What if we drop a series of nuclear bombs across the southeastern United States from Texas to South Carolina?
Topic 2: Is Ariana Grande okay?
Since you just talked football, throw the women of your family a bone with some musical talk.
Wicked is the most popular movie in America right now.
But recently, photos of Ariana Grande looking concretely skinny have circulated the internet.
To the point that people are worried about her health.
Is it possible she’s just naturally skinny?
Could she have lost that much weight in healthy way?
Or does she have some sort of eating disorder?
People loves judging celebrities.
His high school sweetheart whom he recently had a child with.
She accuses Ariana Grande of making their family “collateral damage” in her new romance.
Ariana Grande also licked a donut and put it back that one time.
Is Ariana in crisis?
If you were her father, what would you think?
What would you do to fix her?
Topic 3: Have you heard they’re fucking the turkeys?
That should have about the same affect.
Topic 4: Have you heard of World of T-Shirts?
The goal of this topic is to curb the amount of drinking that will take place immediately following dinner.
In all sincerity, it’s maybe the saddest thing happening on the entire internet right now.
I fucking hate them with all of my heart.
Not that Josh isn’t responsible for is own actions to a large degree.
Show your family some videos that depict World of T-Shirt’s tragic story arch.
Even if just for the next 10 minutes or so.
Topic 5: Is A.J.
the Costco Guys Dad exploiting those children?
That will take some time in its own right.
“Ok you’ve showed me their videos, but what is it they actually do?”
“That’s it.
They go to Costco and yell boom.
They sing a song about boom.
Sometimes they show up at wrestling events and say boom.”
“Why are their faces like that?”
“They were attacked by bees.”
“Do people find them entertaining?”
“No everyone agrees it’s pretty much the worst thing they’ve ever seen.”
“So why are they popular?
People must like them.”
“No not really.
But they also love them more than anything in the world.”
“And they work for Costco?”
“No I don’t think so.
They’re just on TikTok.”
“How do they make money?”
“From TikTok.”
“So people pay to watch their videos?”
“No TikTok pays them.”
“How does that work?”
“I think money just magically shows up in their bank account every morning.”
“How much money?”
“And who is this Rizzler kid?
Is he related to them too?”
“No he’s just the Rizzler.
He’ll be hosting the Grammy’s next year.”
“What happens when he loses the baby fat?”
Honestly you probably won’t even get around to the conversations about whether or not A.J.
is exploiting the shit out of those kids.
Whether setting them up financially for life is worth stripping them of a normal childhood.
Topic 6: Is Jake Paul the greatest boxer of our generation?
It’s the perfect time to float a “Jake Paul is real boxer” take out there.
You’re not saying Jake Paul is necessarily the most talented.
But he did just beat Mike Tyson in the most viewed boxing event of the year.
Sure, Tyson isn’t what he once was, but he still looked pretty scary out there.
Tyson still had some power behind those punches.
Not just anybody could beat him.
It was a real, sanctioned heavyweight fight after all.
Jake Paul has put in the necessary dedication and the hard work to be considered a legitimate professional boxer.
And if we’re being honest, boxing was dying before he came around.
He single-handedly saved the sport.
You at least gotta give him that.
Some of those ideas may seem pretty stupid now.
But just you wait.
You’ll thank me later.
