But if you think you’re having a good time, you’d better think again.
There’s a problem in pro football.
An existential crisis in the making.
It’s something much more sinister:
Passing touchdowns are down.
(That’ll be enough, Gronkowski.)
And to some, this disturbing trend is a threat to our very way of life.
A situation that calls for something to be done about it, before the problem gets even worse.
Now sure, we could address this by conventional means.
Just let the league evolve as it sees fit.
This moment requires a swift, decisive, radical, and ridiculous overreaction be taken.
Why, you may ask?
Why must another generation be poisoned by this “deeper than the deepest” ideology?
In Bob Dylan’s words, how many must die before split safeties are forever banned?
The answer, my friends, is blowin' through Mel Kiper’s helmet of hair.
That what we need is more flags.
More officials huddling together like zebras around a watering hole.
More incomprehensible paragraphs added to the rule book that are subject to interpretation.
More explanations from Mike Pereria while we watch the same play from six different angles.
But don’t go by me.
I was under the impression Cover-2 has been around for generations.
As Cyrus the Great put it, “Soft lands breed soft men.”
And then we’ll need yet another, even more draconian rule change.
Like defenses having to play 10-on-11.
But sure, go with his plan.
Should be a blast.
