Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out.
I was going to write a blog about it that wasn’t buried in between a bunch of tits.
But in the end, I fucking hate talking about myself.
I always feel very stupid and arrogant to assume that people want to know about my personal life.
A majority of people who read this probably have no clue who I am.
It would probably help my career if I did.
And if they’re not, they’ll be able to see boobs.
Unfortunately it’s not a super interesting story.
I’m not going to go into great detail.
But basically I got real depressed and started drinking way to much.
I was in a shitty place mentally.
I basically went on a 3 month bender.
I started using alcohol to work, to write, to be more comfortable in social situations.
Pretty much for everything.
That’s how you end up eating dog shit on camera as a bit.
Eventually, people started noticing.
It was super fucking embarrassing.
I got real depressed about it.
I’ll never feel like I deserved that.
It’s not lost on me how extremely lucky I am.
I know most people would never get that benefit of the doubt in a work situation.
I can’t really pinpoint why I started feeling so depressed all of the sudden.
I don’t even know what qualifies as “depression” if we’re being honest.
Obviously it wasn’t anybody else fault but mine.
It’s certainly nothing I feel like I deserve sympathy for.
I’m not blaming it on the “pressure of Barstool” or anything like that.
Everybody has pressure at work and they don’t all make the decision to get drunk about it.
I’ve had problems with drugs and alcohol on and off my whole life.
Not just at work, but in life.
But it’s been 46 days since I’ve had a drink.
I’m going to AA every day.
I have a great therapist.
I don’t like to think about whether or not I’ll never drink again in my life.
There’s no point in dwelling on that.
But right now things are way better when I don’t drink.
), because that seems to be working.
Here are some more boobs.
So that’s about it.
Sorry I disappeared for a month.
Everything stayed perfectly fine.
Brilliant timing by me.
But again, I’d never blame me going down a dark path on anything Barstool related.
However, I had definitely put this job on a pedestal.
I was constantly beating myself up for not doing more with my platform.
Constantly comparing myself to people who are having more success.
Or even Klemmer who’s always putting out new stuff and trying new things.
Then I’d feel so pathetic because I was being overwhelmed by so little.
I was never present with friends and family away from work.
Not because I was constantly working, but because I was always in my head about how Ishouldbe working.
All while I’d just sit there in my own head getting nothing accomplished whatsoever.
If that makes any sense.
It was very fucking stupid.
Taking a step away definitely helped me re-prioritize my life a bit.
In the end, I love working here.
That’s what I’m going to keep doing.
As of now, I’m not yet back producing the Rundown.
Jury is still out on that.
Life will go on.
All that corny shit.
No job is worth neglecting your friends and family, or your general well-being.
No job is worth ruining your life over.
I now realize it does sound like I’m sort of blaming my bender on work.
But it’s not work.
It’s the fucked up way I was looking at it.
And I could have slipped up for a million different reasons.
A lot of people at Barstool have mental health shit they have to deal with.
It’s your responsibility to deal with it like a grown up.
I’m insanely lucky and grateful to have this opportunity.
From what I can tell “mental stability” isn’t necessarily a sought after trait at Barstool.
