Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out, Barstool Sports premier Boob GIFs blog.
At this point I have 536 Boob GIF’s saved on my laptop.
I was recently thinking about what I’ll do with them when I’m through with Barstool.
I’ll hold onto them for eternity.
I blindfold John Jr. and lead him into the foyer.
I imagine it will go something like this
Me:“SURPRISE!!!”
John Jr.:“What the fuck are these?”
Me:“They’re Boob GIFs.
Aren’t they hot?”
John Jr.:“Are you serious?
I wanted a Tesla Cybertruck Hoverplane that gets you to the moon in under an hour.
What am I supposed to do with these?”
Me:“They’re for jacking off son,”
John Jr.: “Jacking off?
I have 3 ultra-realistic sex robots in my closet right now.
They’re indistinguishable from humans.
They can take the form of any celebrity of my choosing.
Why would I want these grainy, poorly proportioned pictures?”
Me:“But these grainy, poorly proportioned picturesmove.
And they’re historic.
They were onBarstool Sports.”
John Jr.:“Barstool?
You mean Josh Richard’s failing energy drink company?
Why would I care about that?”
If only it were the 1970’s.
The world is changing.
That will be the only demographic of person to still appreciate my Boob GIFs.
Someone who doesn’t know how to Google Image search, “hot girl bikini gif”.
But it ended up being too complicated so they all just kinda gave up.
Now it sits untouched in the corner of a spare bedroom.
I’d upload a single folder of Boob GIFs onto his computer.
I’d wipe everything else off of it so there would be nothing to confuse him.
I’d say, “Look here old-timer.
All you have to do is press this power button.
When the screen comes on, double-hit the only icon that pops up.
I’ll make it take up half the screen for you.
Teaching him to double-click might take some work.
Double-clicking is a hurdle a lot of old people are never able to overcome when trying to learn computers.
But I think I can get him there.
Couple of quick complaints to wrap this thing up.
I have 3 of them within a 5 minute walk of my apartment.
Not a single one of them is open past 10pm.
Additionally 2 of the 3 bodegas are closed all day on Sunday.
Because their hours are re-
Complaint #2:I went to the Bronx Zoo yesterday.
It’s a fine zoo.
It costs $38 to get in, which is about what you’d expect.
It’s a classic bait and switch.
Very sneaky of the Bronx Zoo.
