WSYX - ‘Evergreen Funeral Cremation and Reception’ is set to open next year.
“My role in this position is to kind of be a party planner for the dead.
“I don’t want my funeral to be a bleak affair.
I want it to be a celebration of my life.
I want it to be a fucking rager.
I want people funneling beers and doing Jager bombs in my honor.
Sit my corpse upright in a throne Weekend at Bernie’s style and pass me the blunt.
Put a mirror on my lap and make a cocaine buffet out of my dead crotch.
I don’t want people being sad at my funeral.
I want it to be a party.”
- Drunk College Guy
I feel like everyone at some point in their life drunkenly declared something like that.
Or at least a watered down version of it.
I always thought that concept was kinda stupid.
If your friends and family have had plenty of time to comes to terms with it.
If you don’t suddenly die, but more so “finish dying”.
In that scenario then maybe party funeral could work.
I guess if other countries do it, then maybe America has funerals all wrong.
But I’m sure Evergreen Funeral Cremation and Reception isn’t envisioning hosting raves for the deceased.
They probably want to serve alcohol because it’s good business.
Especially when it’s a situation as awkward as a standing around the lifeless body of a mutual friend.
Alcohol is going to fly off the shelves.
The concept of alcohol at a funeral or viewing inherently seems risky.
Funerals bring out of a lot of emotions.
It’s dangerous to mix alcohol with maximum levels of grief.
The only difference is now the alcohol is out in the open.
And the funeral home makes money off your grief.
Ironically enough, it might actually keep the drinking under control?
Or maybe it just gives everyone the green light to get drunk.
Which simply raises the stakes of the funeral.
It makes the whole situation more volatile.
But that could potentially be good.
Maybe people loosen up and share stories about [dead person].
It brings people to tears.
By the end of the night everyone is friends.
It starts a vicious will-related argument.
You mom calls aunt Carol a cunt.
The cops show up.
Assault charges are filed.
Not that all that stuff doesn’t already happen at funerals all the time without an open bar.
The bar just makes it a little more likely.
