But he gave it his best shot.
He had visions of a game worn Cal Golden Bears football helmet proudly displayed on his frat house mantel.
Taking it down every now and then during a party to put on his head and funnel a beer.
To do a line of cocaine off the top.
To run an Oklahoma drill against the wall.
The possibilities are endless.
It would have been avery slightlyabove average story to tell every time somebody visited his disgusting home.
But instead he was tracked down by the fastest equipment manager on earth.
The whole thing caught on camera.
Which in reality, probably makes for a better story anyways.
His heist was poorly planned all along.
Sprinting away was never the move.
But the kid managed to get his hands on the helmet without drawing attention.
At this point of the video, nobody seemed to notice him.
Once he drew attention it was game over.
There’s never a worse time to challenge an equipment manager than immediately following a football game.
The man has one job.
His Bears earned a hard fought win over longtime ACC rival Stanford.
The equipment manager was still fired up.
The juices were still flowing.
And you know he played football in high school.
Equipment mananger inevitably ends up making a game saving tackle.
The crowd goes wild.
Equipment manager goes down in Cal football history.
I’m sure he’s played that tape in his head a thousand times.
That was his moment, and he made the most of it.
At minimum, he’ll be top of the list if that comet ever strikes for real.
