“Let me tell you a little story.

Decided to go to college instead.

Went for four years, did pretty well.

At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out.

You know what for?

He was night putting.

Just putting at night.

With the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean.”

  • Ty Webb, Bushwood CC.

Sometimes theCaddyshackreferences just write themselves.

But this story about night putting has nothing to do with Ty’s old friend Mitch Cumstein.

It’s about Bryson DeChambeau.

Thanks to ESPN, we have closure on that anecdote.

The 64-year-old lifelong resident of Augusta has seen it all.

It’s so bright that it acted like a Bat-Signal to attract one of the world’s best golfers.

On Friday night, Pearman returned to his home and flipped the lights on.

They turned toward the house and greeted Pearman.

“You guys play golf?”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jack Nicklaus,” Pearman replied.

Then his guest stepped into the light, and he realized it wasn’t just a lookalike.

“Oh,” he said.

“I’m not really Jack Nicklaus.”

…

At Pearman’s place, DeChambeau fired 72-degree wedges high into the night sky.

“Like those cheesy things that have a scorpion inside,” Pearman said.

“Like you’d win if you’re employee of the month.”

Pearman hustled inside to tell his wife, Michele, to change back out of her pajamas.Get up!

Bryson’s in the backyard.

“You’re full of s—,” she replied.

“He was so sweet,” she said.

“He introduced himself, shook my hand.

And he was all over Rosie, and she was loving it.”

A fecking Rottweiler, no less.

But this is about DeChambeau.

I like McIlroy as much as the next guy.

There’s a reason he’s admired and respected on every continent where golf is played.

(Maybe Antarctica, too.

I can’t confirm.)

What he did Sunday was unforgettable.

I’m still going with the Miracle on Ice, but I’m not going to argue.

McIlroy is a champion in every sense of the word.

You don’t get a green jacket for that.

Hundreds of Sharpies handed to you, with the business end pointed at some piece of Masters merchandise.

That makes this particular champion one of a kind in his chosen sport.

We’ll all be living off the drama of the 2025 Masters for a while.

Let’s just pray we get another Rory and Bryson final pairing.