One of my favorite yearly traditions.
Its a day I look forward to every single year.
These men spend every waking hour trying to find a way to beat each other.
These men spend every waking hour being boss’s of some of the greatest athletes in the world.
Sidenote - Usually this picture comes out on a Monday.
Ive spent 4 straight days watching so much basketball my eyes are bleeding.
Im in a rough spot physically and mentally.
But this picture is too important to me.
Should I be called a hero?
No, unless you want to call me one, which you probably should.
Power Sweep down your throat.
And by Power Sweep I mean retired dude on Vacation throwing his cankles right in your grill.
Everyone knows one of those guys.
Not every fat guy loves shorts, but every guy who wears shorts year around is fat.
That’s how it works.
And that’s Andy Reid.
He’ll never change, and thats what I love about him.
Bonus Cankle shot that probably could make Andy millions on Only Fans.
God made that transition from Andy’s legs to ankles pure American Steel.
Not to mention I don’t like your look Dave Canales.
You look too good.
Fuck you man, respectfully.
No one likes the guy who has everything going for him.
All your friends probably talk shit about you behind your back.
Listen, I get it.
New job, old guy who had been in your position had been there for a long ass time.
Have to figure out your own lane and in doing so maybe some things get lost in the shuffle.
But Jerod, what is this?
You look like you stumbled into this picture from the parking lot.
This is Vegas buffett attire.
You’re dressed to eat 8,000 calories of Chinese/Italian/Thai/American.
He’s had more success than I could ever dream of.
But let’s be honest with ourselves for a second.
Every “bigger” guy knows that you have to do the T-Shirt fluff before a picture is snapped.
It’s not an option, it’s a necessity.
Right now there are thousands of guys reading these exact words nodding their heads.
Guys aren’t like girls, we don’t get multiple takes on pictures.
You snap the picture and then thats the picture for better or worse (almost always worse).
So giving your shirt that little extra air is something that is non negotiable.
You get one shot and you failed Jerod.
Let this be a lesson for next year.
I have faith in your ability to watch the tape and get better.
The Fuck or Fight Guy Award- Dan Campbell
Look at this specimen.
He’s fuck or fight.
Those are the only two options.
The haircut, fresh polo, clenched fists say it all.
Life is binary in that way.
Go out to a bar, find a girl interested in you, great, awesome night.
Dan Campbell’s intensity jumps off the page even in a picture.
I’d die for Dan Campbell.
I forgot to mention Fuck or Fight guy has a third option which is pizza.
But usually getting the pizza results in a fight in the way too long pizza line.
Something about seeing the two of them in this picture again brings a smile to my face.
It also makes me feel old as fuck because they’re getting older.
Either way they both nailed their specific personalities.
His first 15 for next Sunday has been scripted and hes doing a pads on practice with this picture.
I desperately need another big time playoff game with these two facing off.
And because we have a relationship I also know he will at some point most likely read these words.
So with that being said, F- Kevin.
What is this posture?
I still dont know the answer to the question.
Is he sucking in?
Because if he is that’s culture appropriation.
He’s in great shape, he doesn’t need to suck in.
Never be the weird posture guy on Coach Picture Day.
Great shoes though, you nailed that.
Everything else though is giving me weirdo vibes.
Relax Kev, this isnt your first time, youre a good coach, you belong.
That’s Dennis Allen right?
Was it Real Estate?
I think I heard Real Estate but he also goes overseas once a month and no one knows why.
I need to see them in everything together.
What if we remake it, except this time both guys are bald.
I got a tall bald guy and a short bald guy.
The Other Guys but this time theyre bald, yes 2 bald guys doing bald guy things together.
You never want to be the SECOND bald guy.
He’s looking fierce.
They’res 3 types of bald in this world.
Skinhead bald, Badass Dad bald, and man I wish I wasnt bald bald.
And that unfortunately is Daboll when standing next to Dan Quinn.
Gotta space out your bald guys.
Dont think I talked to anyone else at the party.
He’s got Fart coming out of his throat.
If you gave him a massage and got at that neck it would start leaking fart everywhere.
Like a sausage on the grill needing a fork to poke him and let out that gas.
And the worst part is Mike looks nice!
Nice suit, nice pants, nice shoes.
Maybe threw in a “anyone hear a duck?”
comment if people heard some noises.
Just let this man fart for Christ Sakes.
Absolutely devastating that Mike McCarthy didn’t show up this year.
Was it the fart thing?
I feel like it may have been the fart thing.
Come back next year Mike.
Your job is safe.
We found out today that Jerry Jones has worms in his brain.
I promise you I wont call you a human fart again.
Pictured, Jerry Jones illustrating his “All In” plan for the upcoming Cowboys season.
This promise is a lie, I will absolutely call Mike McCarthy a fart again.
You know what football is like?
Its like the Bible.
Lets read a little from it and I can show you how.
Loosen up Brian, you’ll be a great Coach and leader of teenagers/football players.
Other than that, like I said, great guy.
The “Oh Yeah That’s Zac Taylor” Award- Zac Taylor
Oh yeah, that is Zac Taylor.
He coached in a Super Bowl.
He just always seemed like a cool guy that you could talk to.
Maybe it was the fact that he would give you hints on what was on the test.
Let you watch movies in class every couple of weeks.
Always loved that teacher.
This has been bothering me recently.
Because all 3 of these guys are really good NFL Head Coaches AND they’re good looking.
I want my NFL Head Coaches to be fat.
I want them to be gross.
That’s no fun.
Someone needs to do something about it.
you could’t have it all in life and these guys have it all.
It’s not fucking fair.
Go back to the days where THIS is an NFL Head Coach.
Thats called personal growth.
Like a kid who closes their eyes during hide and seek and thinks its hiding.
Robert Saleh just shuts his eyes and all his problems float away.
Doug Pederson gives off great vibes.
He’s every dad living their best life in Florida or Arizona right this second.
This younger generation just doesn’t understand what smart saving and financial planning can do for your retirement portfolio.
The “Oh Thats What Raheem Morris Looks Like” Award- Raheem Morris
Falcons coach Raheem Morris.
You knew that, I knew that, we all knew that.
They’re super nice.
Wear things like Kevin O’Connell’s short sleeve button down shirt that needs to be ironed.
Then you play literally any sport with them and they kick your ass.
The natural athlete in their 30’s.
What a fucking Dwork!
Is your bracket busted?
I dont know Mike McDonald yet but hes on my watch list now.
Too clean shaven and normal looking.
We need to get this guy a ring before its too late.
I look at him and get sad.
Hes a great fucking coach.
Yeah the reason Bored Apes failed was because the market wasn’t sophisticated enough for such revolutionary investment products.
Let the guy blow clouds.
We all gotta live.
Thank you all for reading and loving this blog as much as I love writing it.
But seriously, I’m going to write more blogs.
