Imagine for a second, you’re French.
Your greatest city is hosting the Olympics.
Above all other things, it is internationally renowned for sex and cuisine.
And this is your chance to share your culture with the world as the internationally community comes to visit.
So what do you do?
The very thing you do best.
And have done best in the world for as long as anyone can remember.
Probably since the time of Charlemagne and the Carolingian Dynasty.
You win every international competition for food and wine.
Your chefs have created the finest restaurants around the globe.
All the most expensive dishes we serve have French names.
And yet, all the cuisine they’ve made available has been the worst mankind has to offer.
The cardboard bed of dining options.
And a week into the Games, the athletes have had enough.
The food orders were placed as athletes rail against the Vegan Olympics.
The loudest food complaints, according to the Washington Post, came from Team Great Britain.
Athletes dont want fake meat, author and nutrition journalist Nina Teicholz wrote on X.
They know that complete proteins crucial for sports performance come from animal foods.
It’s really that simple.
That’s why our farmers breed and raise them.
And that’s why world records keep getting broken.
Because we keep getting more efficient at providing animal proteins to the human population.
Making it more plentiful, cheaper, and safer than at any time in history.
Intentionally, from the sound of it.
But as Homer Simpson said 30 years ago, “You don’t win friends with salad.
“:
Or, in the words of the great Ron Swanson, “There must be some mistake.
You’ve brought me the food my food eats.
“:
So hopefully, lesson learned, Paris.
Stick with what you do best and the world will appreciate you for it.
You’d better being paying attention, Los Angeles, 2028.
