And it did get plenty of traction.
No pun intended, but I wont disown it.
Its almost St. Patricks Day again in the city of Boston.
Well, Im here to help.
But theres no way you couldve realized the extent of the towns Irishness.
And its not limited to the city.
I live on the South Shore.
He said there are exactly four Sullivans in Indy, the nations 12th-largest city.
Youve seen the movies.
And I could bitch about the stereotyping, but I wont.
Even with respect to Matt Damons math skills.
Lets see an MIT guy try that.
Its horribly politically incorrect to say it, but almost every stereotype has some basis in truth.
I dont want to be responsible for a string of hate crimes.
But generally speaking, most of the Irishmen I know are very much like you think they are.
With one major exception: the St. Paddys Day parade.
Its a family event, period.
Sure were drinking; thats not Dr. Pepper weve got in those plastic cups.
This parade is my people marching for tolerance and acceptance.
Were here/ We have beer/ Get used to it.
I grew up in Weymouth, but Im OFD.
(If you have to ask what that means, youre definitely not from around here.)
There were 60 kids in my elementary school grade, and I think everyone of them was Irish Catholic.
I remember asking, Wait, so you dont have CCD?
You dont go to St. Francis, you go to that little church near your house?
You grow up Irish around here and youre raised to understand the whole mythology of the Boston Irish.
How your ancestors came to Massachusetts with less than nothing to escape the Potato Famine.
The Irish need not apply signs.
Everyones great grandfather who did some crap job that no one else would do.
How the Irish stuck together and gained political influence and started helping their own get government jobs.
Good jobs, not just lugging corpses around.
(Howd that work out anyway?
And you wonder why weve got a chip on our shoulders.)
Thats the Boston Irishman in a nutshell.
Someone who was taught to embrace his history.
Who knows where he came from.
And has zero tolerance for boring people and blue-blood snobs.
Of course, not all Harpies are alike.
There are levels of Boston Irishness:
Light green:Irish in name only.
This guy is originally from out of state.
Now lives in the suburbs.
A private-sector, white-collar guy who either works at one of the law firms or a financial institution.
Mint green:Me.
Moved out of the city as a kid.
Either has a government job or knows someone who does, especially cops.
Likes a pint, but around the age of 30 developed a taste for Jamesons.
MP3 player is full of Dropkick Murphys and The Saw Doctors.
Drinks in suburban places with neon shamrocks in the window.
Hopes to visit the Auld Sod someday, but is saving for Disney.
Might know someone who can get you off jury duty.
Hunter green:Family stayed in Dorchester.
Thinks the South Shore is the Cape.
Knows every Irish bar in the city.
On St. Pats, The Leprechaun leaves gifts for his kids like hes the Easter bunny.
Has drank his way across Ireland several times.
Shamrock green:Lived in Southie since birth.
If hes not like one of the guys in The Departed, he sure knows guys like them.
A huge hockey fan.
Everyone he knows has a nickname like Sully, Cliffy, Knotzie or Fitz.
Wears a Scally cap.
Read Black Mass and knew everyone in it personally.
Has a tattoo of a shamrock or a harp.
Kelly green:Usually an older guy.
Identifies locations by parishes, as in, I grew up over in St. Marks.
Can meet you and within a minute connect you to someone he knows, usually a state worker.
Never misses the obituaries (the Irish sports pages) and goes to three wakes a week.
Emerald green:This is the genuine article.
A true Mick, who no matter how many generations removed he his, still has an Irish accent.
Can find a rugby match on TV any hour of the day.
Doesnt say much because hes so well connected.
Puts salt in his beer to keep a head on it.
Could probably have you arrested, whacked, or get you a job.
So happy St. Patricks Day.
This should give you some idea of who youre celebrating it with.
How you like them apples?
