For sure, you might laugh at the Olympics for having some ridiculous sports.
But as you ridicule these laughable competitions, do not include Table Tennis.
The Sport of Kings.
The ultimate test of physical fitness.
And the Sport of Kings has its unquestioned Queen.
Still slaying on the table.
Striking fear into the hearts of her opponents.
Suddenly, Ni Xia Lian felt … the full weight of a nation on her shoulders.
She knew that she would need to summon all of her experience to settle into the match.
As it turns out, she had more of that than anyone in the building.
Thats because Ni, the grand duchess of Luxembourg table tennis, is 61 years old …
When she made her international debut in 1979, almost nobody in this years Olympic field was born.
Im a table-tennis grandma, says Ni, who is also a six-time Olympian.
…
She retired and unretired before Michael Jordan.
Then she did it again.
In fact, she was in her prime before table tennis was even an Olympic sport.
These days, Olympians half her age say they cant quite believe that Ni is still here.
I have double the age, she says, and double the experience.
People like Ni will tell you that age is just a number.
Every time she gets a colonoscopy they find chunks of opponents from five Olympics ago in her lower intestines.
She’s forgotten more wins than her opposition has had.
And also, where she left her phone.
Unlike anyone she’s going up against, she can truthfully say she watched the Moon Landing.
And the original series run ofThe Brady Bunch.
Drove a car before catalytic converters so it took regular gas.
Used to read articles about how pollution is causing Global Cooling.
Watched (then) Prince Charles marry (then) Lady Diana.
Remembers when MTV debuted Michael Jackson’sThrillervideo.
She can plausibly claim she got laid after a Queen concert when Freddie Mercury was on lead vocals.
And the match will be over before it even began.
So thank you for the inspiration, my Queen.
These Old Balls are honored by your ping pong balls.
Keep doing your generation proud.
